Ah...that makes it clear.

I would suggest trying to get the same sort of rythem as, say, a really good song. Something like...well, if you said "ta-TA ta TA ta TA" over and over again, and put the emphasis on every other syllable, that's about what I think you'd want to shoot for. And keep it consistant from lien to line. The first few lines of the second stanza have it. It's like "fran-NIE bak-ER came IN to-DAY/ she THINKS she's MAR-i-LYN mon-ROE/that's NOT as BAD as LAST week THOUGH/when SHE thought I was J f K" It's eight syllables each line, with the emphasis on every other syllable. The next line begins to break down...the basic rythem (the "ta-TA ta TA") is the same, but the lines go from eight syllables to six. Kind of like having a song go from a four-beat swing to a waltz without warning. It doesn't seem to make that much of a difference, but it does. I also like how the second stanza has nine lines in it. If you kept up the same rythem for eight lines, letting the ninth wander off in its own direction would add a lot of emphasis to that ninth line, which would be exactly what you want, if you're showing the narrator's disgust with her patients.

So...yeah, my more-in depth suggestions would be to structure all the lines the way you have the first four of the second stanza, and structure the other stanzas the way you did the second. It'd make this a speakable poem, and not just a readable one. Maybe not something "avant guarde" or in-vogue "cool" but the sort of get-into-your-brain-and-never-leave addictiveness of, say, Robert Frost or T. S. Elliot.

CW

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